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Heavens to Murgatroyd!
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Heavens to Murgatroyd!Posted Monday, July 7, 2008
  The older I get, the less amused I am by profanity. I’m not saying I don’t use it anymore, mind you, but it isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Most profanity is simply heard too often to have any real impact anymore, at least on someone who spent 30 years of her life with reporters, cops and criminals.  Once while I was chasing a story through some of the nastiest parts of Houston, I was verbally assaulted by an 11-year-old boy who threatened me in language that would have made an ex-convict blush. I waited patiently for him to finish, then observed, “Aw, that’s so cute. I remember the first timeI used bad words.” Mortally offended, the mini-thug departed, trailing a wake of obscenity behind him. People get used to you talking like that when you’re 11, by the time you’re 12, you’ll need a tire iron to scare them, or even get their attention. I’m afraid that child came to no good. My mother swore rarely. This had the advantage of making it a real event—when she did swear, you knew something Bad had happened, with a capital B. At the other end of the spectrum was my uncle Sonny, a former sailor who was unable to form whole sentences without the use of what responsible journalists call the F-word. He and my aunt Ruby had no children, and when they visited us, he got shushed so much it sounded like steam was escaping from our house.  I was little then, and I thought it was exciting. Alas, that forbidden word, and many others, have long since lost their charm. I suggest a return to the exclamations of the past. Mini skirts and platform shoes keep coming into style, and seeming new to young people—why not exclamations? I have some suggestions (writers for television shows whose characters constantly exclaim, “Ohmygawd,” please take note).  There are, of course, the simple exclamations of the past, that people in TV shows now use only when they’re supposed to be unsophisticated:  Darn If enough people begin using these terms, the tide will turn, and TV writers will have to make up new words for their hick characters. Then there’s a slew of exclamations I used to hear from older women when I was little. They’re perfectly good exclamations, and I vote we haul ‘em out and dust ‘em off: Heavens to Betsy  Then there are exclamations made popular by TV long ago, when we only had three channels to watch except for PBS, which no self-respecting kid would watch: Sufferin’ succotash: Daffy Duck says this, and so did I when I was very young. I said it in Daffy Duck’s lisp, which allowed me to spray spittle, which is really cool when you’re very young, and might be still when you’re a grandmother—we’ll see.  Heavens to Murgatroyd: This from Snagglepuss, a regular character on The Yogi Bear Show. Snagglepuss had Bert Lahr’s voice, but it wasn’t Bert Lahr, although Bert Lahr said “Heavens to Murgatroyd” when he played the Commander in the 1944 film “Meet the People.” You keeping up? You betchum, Red Ryder: OK, not an exclamation, but a good thing to say when someone asks you if something is so. It’s what Little Beaver used to say to Red Ryder in the TV series and, before that, on the radio show. Leapin’ lizards: Little Orphan Annie, of course. She also was fond of exclaiming, “Gee whiskers!” Great googamooga: Honestly, I have no idea. But it’s a great deal of fun to say. Remember, we all have to take these phrases up and use them often before they will re-enter the language as “new.” So get busy.  Oh yeah, I promised you toads in bromeliads. The bromeliads I have in pots form funnels at the bottom of each plant, and the funnels fill up with water, which makes the plants self-watering, and very clever and, evidently, a great place for toads to live.  I picked up a crowded pot last week, planning on re-potting some of the plants. I thought the pot was awfully heavy, and discovered the extra weight came from three toads-in-residence. “Great toads in a pot!” I exclaimed. Another gem is born.  |
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